10 Ways to be a Prepared Parent When Your Kid is Applying to College

If you’re a parent of a kid applying to college, before you do anything else, please take a deep breath.

The stress is real.

Know that if you’re here, it means you care. But, like all parents, sometimes we can care so much that we lose perspective. That’s where learning from those who’ve been where we’re going can be a real help.

I’ve crowdsourced these tips from parents of current college students. I asked them what they wish they knew before starting the college planning journey and what their best advice would be to families just starting out.

Grab a mug of tea, and allow the wisdom of others to help!

1. Know and Communicate Your Budget for College

Before your student applies to any school, have the conversation about what your financial commitment to college will be. Setting a budget is not a commentary on your parenting or your personal success. It is a number that will set an expectation for your student around what schools they can apply to based on what is affordable.

Don’t know how much college really costs? Click here and try a Net Price Calculator! This tool will help you determine a realistic estimate of what you will be expected to pay for that school. Knowing up front whether or not a school is in your budget can help shape your child’s college list. Save heartache and tears later by being upfront about your budget for college.

2. Understand the Current College Admissions Landscape

If it’s been two or more decades since you investigated college admissions, be prepared to be shocked. From college costs to competitive majors to housing challenges, many things have changed in a generation. Gone are the days of straightforward applications and fat envelopes in the mail. Make sure you know the rules of the current admissions game so your student can have the best possible outcomes.

Developing a sound strategy for college admissions is one of the most significant roles of a college consultant. If you’re confused and demoralized about the current state of college admissions, my College Overview Consultation may be just what you need to level set and feel more optimistic about your child’s future. This standalone consultation is available with no further obligation of services– click to book now!

3. Be Critical of College Rankings

Rankings can be helpful when looking at colleges, but what are the criteria used to determine the rankings? Being a critical consumer means understanding how the rankings were determined. If those criteria aren’t meaningful to you, then the rankings aren’t very useful.

Think about your values and how they relate to what you want your child to get out of college. Is it a degree? A personal growth experience? Improved social mobility?

Your values are your own. Regardless of what they are, make sure the schools your child chooses to apply to reflect your values, not what a ranking list determines.

4. Know Your Student

As a parent, you know your child best. You have a good sense of their college preparedness. While they may be prepared academically, are they ready for the logistical and emotional demands of being a college student.

Here are a few questions parents should ask themselves as their child prepares for college:

• Does your child have the executive function skills to manage on their own?
• Is your child internally or externally motivated?
• How does your child’s readiness compare to their peers and to other students nationwide? How should this influence the types of schools to target for admissions?

5. Set the Tone

Applying to college is a stressful process. A prepared parent can help lower the stress by setting a tone of curiosity rather than competition. If you can use this time to learn about your child, their dreams, and how they see themself in the world, it can deepen your relationship.

As one of my favorite high school principals always says, you may need to let your teenager borrow your frontal lobe once in a while. If you can set a tone that reassures your child you love them for who they are, not where they go to college, they’re more likely to adopt your mature, wise attitude.

Check out my article 5 Best College Planning Books for resources to help you cultivate a healthy, realistic approach to college admissions.

6. Let Your Student Lead

This is your child’s journey. 

Yes, you know them best. Yes, you have so much life experience to share. Yes, you will very likely be financially invested in this decision. 

But your student MUST lead this process. It is their voice that must be heard.

If they are centered in the conversations about where to go to college, what to study, and how they can continue to grow their interests, there is a much greater likelihood that they will be successful in the transition to college and beyond.

7. Be Optimistic, But Realistic

As parents our role is to champion our child’s dreams. We want to encourage them to stretch themselves. That said, there are some dreams that may be completely unrealistic for your student. Guiding your student to have appropriate expectations about admissions outcomes can save heartache later. 

Need help creating a balanced college list? Click here to see how Coach Karen can help!

8. Celebrate the Wins

The college application process is long and multifaceted. It isn’t surprising that some students feel overwhelmed and want to walk away. Parents can support their child by celebrating the small victories along the way– completing a section of the Common App, taking the SAT or ACT, or getting that first ugly draft of the college essay written.

Like most things in life, positive reinforcement yields better results than punishment. So whatever your kid’s currency is– ice cream, screen time, going out with friends– reward them as they tackle each step of the college admissions journey.

9. Acknowledge Your Kid’s Courage

If your family has set the expectation that your child will go to college, it can be hard to remember that this is a huge life transition! Your child may be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or even questioning whether or not this is what they want to do. By acknowledging their courage in taking this step, you can instill confidence and remind them that you will always be their cheerleader.

Just because everyone they know is also taking this step doesn’t mean it’s easy.

10. Plan for the Future, Live for the Now

Set boundaries around when you will talk about college. Whether it is one day or one hour a week, decide with your kid what your family’s “college talk time” will be. Then honor that boundary!

For many families, hiring a college consultant can help preserve the parent/child relationship during this stressful time. Click here to schedule a discovery call to see how Coach Karen can be an objective sounding board for your family.